As someone who wears many hats I often find myself at odds. For over a decade now I’ve considered this concept of defining identity rather complex. It started when my daughter was born, when I had to wrangle with the unexpected identity of motherhood. I decided early on that motherhood is not who I am, but representative instead of work that I do.
I tried to extrapolate this to my career as a librarian when I got laid off during COVID. Librarian had become my identity, but if I wasn’t engaging in library work, then who was I? In addition to the multitude of crises at this point in my life (and in the world), I also underwent a crisis of identity.
By this definition, however, I’m not a writer unless I’m writing, not a crocheter unless I’m crocheting, etc. How actively engaged in these activities do I have to be to claim their identity? Do I need to write daily, or is a few times a week enough? What if I go through a slump and don’t write for several weeks or months–am I still a writer? Is it enough to “have written” in the past?
Considering that I do so many different things, I often don’t do them all at once. Is it even possible to be librarian, writer, crocheter, D&D player, content creator, marketer, fan, mother, community member, ad infinitum, all at once? Are these identities, labor definitions, or something else entirely?
All of this is to say: who am I?
You can see how this dilemma could lead to a sort of paralysis when it comes to presenting myself. If I don’t know who I am, then it is impossible to say or do things online without misrepresentation. It becomes less about who I am and what I do, and more about how I present myself authentically to others. There are many discordant things that I’m passionate about, but I find it difficult to blend them all together to create a cohesive me. Of course, inside my head they all work together seamlessly, but it’s harder to articulate that than it is to feel it.
So I haven’t. I’ve largely withdrawn from blogging and social media, and while community is still very important to me, I’ve found safe haven in smaller, less public groups. But to survive in a capitalist society as a creative, withdrawal isn’t exactly the most lucrative of choices. With this in mind I’ve given a lot of thought about how I want to present myself to the world. I’ve thought deeply about my values and the aspects of myself and my work that I want to articulate. I’ve read, to the horror of my friends and even myself, self-help books that encouraged creating these kinds of definitions.
Here’s what I came up with: four pillars that define almost everything I do. I find that most things I enjoy in life falls into one of these four categories. This isn’t my totality, of course, but I think it’s good enough for now.
Storytelling
Everything I do is related to story. I see storytelling as a way to connect deeply with others. I write in order to illuminate inner truths and deeply-held beliefs. But story is also a big part of librarianship, because I thrive on connecting people to stories that are meaningful to them. I wouldn’t be here without story–the truths that live inside of me and my ability to share them in an entertaining yet meaningful way.
Librarianship
I began working in libraries because it felt like a natural fit for someone who loves to read. However, I quickly realized that librarianship goes beyond personal reading interests. As a librarian, I connect people to resources and information that empower them to learn and grow. At its core, librarianship is about the stewardship of information—ensuring it is organized, preserved, and accessible in order to create those connections.
Innovation
I wouldn’t be much of a speculative fiction writer if I wasn’t fascinated by the “what if.” I like to throw ideas at the wall and see what sticks. I’m always trying new things and new technologies to see if I can make reaching my goals more accessible. I’m not afraid to think outside the box and learn new skills to create possibilities. At the same time, I also think deeply about the ethical considerations of new technologies and the changing status-quo.
Advocacy
At its heart, advocacy is about building community and lifting each other up. I truly believe that community is one of the most important aspects of a creative life. I’m a member of various organizations (at various levels of formality) where we support each other and take up each others’ causes. Advocacy, to me, means dedicating time, energy, and resources to the greater good of the world, not just for personal gain.
I don’t believe that these four pillars, despite their name, are set in stone. But I do believe that at this point in my life, it’s important to define and clarify my values as a means to give myself a path forward, especially when it comes to shaping my personal brand. Perhaps pillars isn’t the right word for them–maybe I should have called them guideposts. I don’t know what the future holds, but at least I have a few signs pointing my way.